I watch Fight Club for the first time

WARNING: Contains all the spoilers.

Scary music. I am scared. What am I watching? Is this a science fiction movie about space? Why are the credits so aggressive? Looks like a Borg Cube. No wait, looks like the inside of a body. Cells? Blood cells? Is this movie about cancer?

Tyler Durdon. That name sounds familiar. Is that Brad Pitt? Is it Pit or Pitt?

Guy in chair is having an existential crisis. It comes down to girls, of course. Oh wait, no, a man? 

Shoot, I already have to pee.

Two guys are hugging. Ok now he’s talking about something else. Pick a story, and stick to it, guy!

More existential crisis. Copy of a copy of a copy.

The monotonous tone of the beginning of this movie is very different than the aggressive credits, but aggressive in its own way.

Oh he’s going to all the support groups. That’s pretty funny. Ooh, donuts.

Bellatrix Lestrange!!!!!!!!!!! 

I feel like I missed some stuff at the beginning.

I like that he calls Bellatrix a “tourist.” Is that a real term from support groups?

Oh no he’s gonna have sex with that dying girl!

I don’t like this inner cave stuff. That penguin really freaked me out. 

Oh maybe he’s not gonna have sex with that girl. He’s gonna have sex with Bellatrix/Marla! Maybe. Maybe not. Someone is going to have sex in this movie though, for sure. 

I’m officially intrigued, not because of the sex. Or maybe because of the sex.

This movie is artsy, I like it.

BRAD PIT(TTTTTTTTTT)!!!!!!!!! Looking super cool in those tinted glasses and spiky hair.

Is he real? Is this gonna be like the sixth sense all over again? He’s not real! He sells soap! No one real dresses like that!

I keep missing stuff because I get distracted on Facebook.

Oh no, his house burned down. But luckily Marla Singer’s number remained perfectly in tact. 

I’m hungry.

Ok main character is hanging out with Tyler Durdon. Still don’t know main character’s name, probably missed it ‘cause I keep forgetting to pay attention.

I feel a Fight Club coming on.

“The things you own end up owning you” so true!

They drank 3 pitchers of beer?!?!!? That is a lot.

I want the characters to stop talking to me. I can’t tell if I like this movie or not.

Now they’re fighting in front of the restaurant. I can’t relate. I think they just want to feel something? I have no idea.

Tyler lives in a haunted house. Knew he wasn’t real. This is a ghost movie. I feel like I’m having a kind of bad dream, but it’s like, interesting enough that I don’t want to wake up yet.

The main character (whose name I still don’t know)’s monotone narration gives me a stomach ache.

Should I start fighting?

Am I having a spiritual awakening?

Is this what ayahuasca feels like?

LOUD BAR

1st Rule of Fight Club, do not talk about fight club.

2nd Rule of Fight Club, DO NOT talk about fight club.

I keep looking for the metaphor. Fighting, fighting…what does it MEAN!?

Ok Self destruction vs. Self improvement….I’m starting to relate.

Woooahhh Bellatrix is in the house. She had sex with Tyler? Maybe main character? No one knows what happened.

Oh good, flashback to what happened.

OK I took a lunch break. Back to the movie.

They are passing toxic waste in bags over a fence. Or maybe it’s blood. Or maybe it’s old juice. Need to pay better attention.

Tyler Durdon is a crazy person. He’s giving Main Character a chemical burn. I think he thinks he’s a spiritual teacher. Or he IS a spiritual teacher. Or he’s a psychopath. Or he’s a ghost, which was my original assessment. Omg he’s definitely a ghost! He’s saying God hates Main Character. Which he probably thinks because God rejected HIM when he DIED and tried to go to heaven so now he lives on earth and torments lonely people.

He’s either crazy or really wise. But I think crazy. I don’t like this.

Uh oh. Boss got a hold of Fight Club rules. Boss thinks it’s some child bullshit. Main Character is trying to scare him by sounding like a crazy murderer.

Marla is stealing food from old/dead people.

Bob is back! He has Krispee Kremes! Don’t know if that’s how you spell it.

OMG Bob is in fight club! FULL CIRCLE

OH SNAP TYLER DURDON IS TAKING ALL THE CREDIT FOR STARTING FIGHT CLUB (which is actually what I thought was the case before I started watching the movie, so the rumors are working). Oh, maybe Main Character doesn’t care about this.

Uh oh, some mafia people just came down to fight club because they’re using their space. JK he’s not mafia. Oh, he punched Tyler maybe he is mafia. He might work for a bank. Tyler wants him to join fight club. Oh snap, a gun just got pulled. Tyler is pushing his luck. Rich guys in suits with guns don’t give a F*CK. Tyler is laughing like a maniac, because he is one. He is gonna kill that guy. He wants to use the basement. Tyler won the fight I think. 

They are taking fight club to the streets. They have to fight with strangers. Main Character has chosen his boss! Main Character got fired. Then started bribing his boss. Now he is punching himself in the face. Maybe he’s fighting himself to frame his boss or MAYBE IT’S A GHOST. Just kidding guys, this is not a ghost movie! It’s a movie about crazy people. It worked! He framed his boss and the cops believed him. 

Can’t stop thinking about making banana bread.

Fight clubs are popping up all around the state and/or country. Tyler and MC are causing mayhem in their own city. Still don’t know if I like this movie or not. If I do like it, it also makes me wildly uncomfortable. If I don’t like it, it’s because it makes me wildly uncomfortable.

Tyler is terrorizing the owner of a small convenience store. I don’t know why. Main Character doesn’t know why either. Tyler says “tomorrow his breakfast will taste good” which makes sense. Shop owner runs away and Tyler says “Run Forrest, Run!” Classic.

Joy and happiness through contrasting terror?

Marla is still in the movie but no one knows why or what purpose she serves. She is the only girl. Maybe she and Tyler are the two sides of Main Character? The weak and strong? The crazy and crazy? Is this a bad dream? I want her to summon Lord Voldemort. Now I’m sad about Sirius Black.

There’s still almost an hour left in this movie.

Oh No, Tyler says Bob is too fat and that his tits are too big. NO ONE TALKS TO BOB LIKE THAT.

This kind of reminds me of the pickup artists in The Game.

Also drawing parallels with Trump, where Tyler is Trump, obviously. Only ‘cause it’s like, crazy narcissist in charge with lots of crazy sadistic followers. Also there’s an American flag hanging on the wall in the background.

Oh that crazy one with bleached hair is Jared Leto! Starting to remind me of A Clockwork Orange, though I haven’t seen that movie in a very long time.

Project Mayhem is the next big thing. Main Character is out of the loop. He and Tyler are having their first “fight”.

They got into a car crash! Kind of hope everyone dies so this movie will end. Of course, they do not die. Tyler saves his BFF, Main Character. He’s really really happy about the car crash.

The house has turned into a frat house. Tyler has disappeared. I still want to make banana bread.

Bob is dead. Bob is dead!! BOB IS DEAD!!!!! 

All the members of project Mayhem are drones. They can’t stop saying “His name is Robert Paulson” which they now think is the name of any Project Mayhem soldier who dies.

Someone mistakes Main Character for Tyler Durdon. Something tells me MAIN CHARACTER IS TYLER DURDON!!!!! BOOOOOMMMMM KNEW HE WASN’T REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MARLA CALLS MAIN CHARACTER TYLER!!!!!!!

Tyler is back and wearing another cool outfit. Cool glasses and a fur coat. 

If Main Character is Tyler, then WHO WAS HE FIGHTING WITH IN THE FIRST SCENE!!!!!!!! AND ALL THE SCENES AFTER THAT!!! Was he fighting himself like he was in the office? Shit is getting super real/unreal.

Tyler is his alter ego? How does this stuff work? It’s like multiple personality disorder? Or what?

Marla is breaking up with MC/Tyler. Which sucks ‘cause he didn’t even get to have a relationship with her! She leaves on a bus.

He turns himself in to the cops. They probs think he’s cray.

Whoops the cops are members of fight club and they are gonna kill him for interfering with Project Mayhem. He’s gotten himself into a real bind!


He’s running! He keeps running! Which was foreshadowed by Tyler saying to that convenience shop owner “Run, Forrest, Run!”

Tyler Durdon keeps popping up even though we all know he’s not real. MC defuses a bomb. Video cameras show MC pointing a gun at nobody even though he thinks he’s pointing it at TD. He shoots! Nothing happens ‘cause he’s not real.

Tyler is the worst kind of imaginary friend possible. He beats you up but no one else can see him.

Main Character shot himself in the mouth!!! Tyler is still alive. Oh nvm, dead. But MC is still alive somehow. He is standing. Seems mostly fine, but can’t talk. All the crazy men come and bring Marla with them. 

MC tells them to let her go. Blah blah, happy ending.

MC says to Marla “Everything is going to be fine” and then the world around them blows up while “Where is my mind” by the Pixies plays. It's...beautiful? 

THE END.